A deconstruction of the Runaway Husband’s world.
Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a man. He had a simple life on the edge of the kingdom as a selfless, hard working slave, abiding by all the rules and wanting nothing more but the best for others. He did everything for everyone, hoping one day his hard work would pay off and he would be freed from his chains. He later he received a hidden letter from the king himself- that he had payed his dues long ago and was a free man. The landlord had been lying to him! He had been tricked into believing he was bound for the rest of his life- and is now free to make his great escape! The messenger, a kind and caring woman, had been looking out for him after all this time. The king punished the landlord, who was furious, and awarded him the land and earnings. He fell in love and lived happily ever after.
About fairy tales: It’s an ideal world, where there is a “good guy” and a “bad guy,” and in the end, everyone gets what they deserve. It’s simplistic, black-and-white, and filtered through the most ideal scenario- where hard work pays off, karma goes full circle, the bad guy know’s he’s evil, and the good guy knows he’s good. It’s a child’s dream.
Now let’s talk about the psychology: Its faster and easier to revert back to simplistic thoughts than to maintain mindfulness and higher thought. Classic fairy tails cater towards the most child-like parts of our minds, not evoking deep thought. The black and white world of good and evil, where good intentions are never bad, and bad intentions are clearly sadistic. Then, our minds identify with the “good” due to self-serving biases and many layers of ego. We judge the “evil” characters and have no pity on them. Everything the “evil” people do are to cause pain and harm on the main character’s world. It’s egocentric. The main character is justified in everything he does to the villain, and becomes a hero who is entitled to a happily ever after free of guilt , shame or worry.
That’s the simplistic world the runaway husband’s brain has subscribed to. He thinks he’s about to have his happily ever after, in full belief that you are deserving of any suffering you endure. That you brought all your pain onto yourself- that you made him do it- that he had no choice or fault in the matter. As for his pain, it was really the evil characters in his world- out to get him for their own selfish goals. This type of “happily ever after” is a quest that he is trying to attain while denying all of his wrongdoing along the way.
To do this, he must actively avoid any thought deeper than a black and white childlike world. This means he is not loving any more deeply than a 7-year old with a crush on their new classmate, or a teenager attached to their new phone. The world is simple, and he is “good”. The grip he has on this world is like his life depends on it- because it does. If he was to return to the world of non-fiction, he would need to face cruel realities of his own behaviors and motivations- its a world he cannot bare to live in.
He has overwritten reality in favor if this fantasy.
More from Husbands who Abandon:
- A List of Traits
- Does He Feel Guilt?
- Exploring Reconciliation
- His Story
- Intro to the Runaway Husband
- Letter to Abandoned Wives
- Mama's Boy
- Marriage Therapy
- The Meddler in Your Marriage
- Understanding the Runaway Husband
- Why There is Always an "Other Woman"
- Why You Didn't See the Signs